one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
