i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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