judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
