I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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