i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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