I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize