I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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