I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
