Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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