I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
