You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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