Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
