i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
