My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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