and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
