I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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