We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
