Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
