There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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