ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
