he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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