At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
