I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
