did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think my moral compass just broke
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
