they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
