I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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