I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
