Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
