Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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