Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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