I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
