Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sex in a hospital.. check
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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