billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
