You're completely useless in the revolution.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
