threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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