why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
