Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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