Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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