So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
