yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
