it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
