I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my sisters under your porch take her home
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
