I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
