I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
