I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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