The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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