I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
