I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up under a house in Key West
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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