Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
