how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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