I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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