i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
