Apparently you make a good broom.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
