Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
