I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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