I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
