Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
