1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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