You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
