Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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