Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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