thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
