I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
