you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
