Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
honey bunches of taint.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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