I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Porn is love you can see.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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