Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
