if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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